Things in startup-land can often mean long nights and even longer days. Over at Startupcafe, we strive to make things a little lighter, a little quirkier and a bit more fun. If you’re running a startup, here’s some top tips that you might want to consider …
CUSTOMER SUPPORT: Reduce the costs of your customer support team by not replying to your customers. Soon, you’ll have even less customers to deal with and your support costs will drop to zero.
SALES PEOPLE: Convince people that you’re amazing by putting your mobile number on as many sales forms as possible. Soon your phone will be ringing off the hook from telesales people and thereby impressing your colleagues.
Save costs on printing business cards by writing your details on their business cards at networking events.
EVENT ORGANISERS: Ensure that you get out of the building in time by only serving spirits and other hard liqour. Your delegates will leave early and you will have ample material for blackmailing purposes.
Avoid the embarrassment of calling someone the wrong name at networking events by only talking to people with the same name.
Prevent people from stealing your ideas by investing all your savings into a garden shed and food for 6 months. You will be able to work on your ideas without having to share it with anyone.
Save on electricity and laundry costs by only showering once a week.
For some extra thrills in your life, log into your development site on someone else’s computer. This works particularly well if your site has a gaming element. Watch as your “friend” fills it up with rude comments about you.
ENTREPRENEURS FROM SILICON VALLEY: Save valuable time by not explaining why Silicon Valley is different from everywhere else in the world.
SOCIAL MEDIA EXPERTS: Convince other people how exclusive your network is by deliberately having a low number of followers on twitter.
And this week, in overheard at the startupcafe meeting:
“I thought that no one would take me seriously without glasses when I switched to Physics” Hilary – on why she moved away from using contact lens when she switched degrees.